Some people who do badly in life never had a chance, whether because of bad genes, bad parents, and/or bad social environment. Others had every chance in the world, but made bad choices. Most people fall on the spectrum in between.

Sometimes when we see someone failing, we rush to say, “It’s not really your fault. You couldn’t have helped it. It isn’t you.” Sometimes such assurances are true; sometimes not. A person hearing “It’s not your fault” is often relieved–psychologists have found, not surprisingly, that people want to blame their failures on external circumstances and their successes on their own agency.

Still, in some cases, there’s an odd hidden disrespect hidden in such expressions. Consider the difference between a typical child and a typical adult. Both are moral patients, but the typical adult is a full moral agent. And you don’t have to be Kant to think that something about agency is what makes (most) human beings uniquely worthy of a special kind of respect. To deny agency to someone who lacks it is not an insult. But to deny agency to others, or to oneself, when one has it, is to express a kind of disrespect. To treat others or yourself as if they or you are mere children, when they or you are not, is disrespectful. Sometimes, in our rush to show concern, we also disrespect people. 99% of the time, they thank us for it, though.

Of course, agency isn’t an off and on-switch. Some people are more agental than others, and the degree to which we are agents is something that we’re partly in control in. So, for instance, if you get drunk and drive around, you’re not a full agent as you drive, but you made choices that made you less of an agent. Or, if you have anger management problems but choose not to do therapy to gain more self-control, you aren’t a full agent in the moment that anger overtakes you, but it’s partly your fault for not working on being more agental.